Quick lessons on what not to do in life

Just as asking a government employee to do something before or after lunch, morning tea, or afternoon tea can get you in trouble, there are other things you should never do either: 1.       Never protest when others think you are drunk, insane, stupid, or angry. You will only confirm suspicions. 2.       Never admit that your … Continue reading Quick lessons on what not to do in life

Facile technology for warding off the evil-eye: inexpensive “nazar suraksha”

Abstract: The "evil-eye" better known as nazar is a severely detrimental energy field that impacts the well-being of individuals in South Asia. Previously, others have demonstrated the effectiveness of the evil-eye deterring pendant known as Nazar Suraksha Kawach which works by interfering the dangerous frequencies of the evil-eye. However, this is inadequate since the protective … Continue reading Facile technology for warding off the evil-eye: inexpensive “nazar suraksha”

How to write your own biography in Wikipedia. From the renowned author of “Deconstructing Quantum Sufi-Yoga”

Last night, the benevolent god mahi-mahi came to me in a vision and instructed me in a mix of Urdu-sounding Hindi, Hindi-sounding Urdu, Klingon, and C++ to form the Khudbakhud Uttarvedantic Wikipedia Society, a charitable organization exempt from US federal income tax under section 501(c)(3). As you know, articles in the online encyclopedia Wikipedia are … Continue reading How to write your own biography in Wikipedia. From the renowned author of “Deconstructing Quantum Sufi-Yoga”

How to get a bank loan in India

Or how to forge your own signature. Our NRI friend Pappu Patligali recently applied for a personal loan from a local bank. He was planning on applying to one of the swank new privately-operated banks, but was advised not to by his elderly patients. "All our lives we have only transacted with the Tropical Bank … Continue reading How to get a bank loan in India

How to kill small animals for no good reason

The dissection. I stared in resignation at the pouch-like underbelly that contained all of the entrails of Rana, the unfortunate amphibian in front of me. It looked so fresh. No matter. Best to get this over with as soon as possible. Singh Sir had a zero-tolerance policy towards miscreants in his class and the orders … Continue reading How to kill small animals for no good reason

How to treat non-lethal bullet injuries: lessons from Bollywood movies

Abstract: There is currently insufficient detail on how to perform emergency surgery for ridiculous bullet wounds that result from confronting Hindi film villains in everyday situations. Therefore, a clinical survey was undertaken with the purpose of identifying acceptable medical procedures compliant with known Bollywood practices. Two case studies presented here demonstrate that despite identical etiology, disparate … Continue reading How to treat non-lethal bullet injuries: lessons from Bollywood movies

Shri 419: the Nigerian scam

Section 420 of the Indian Penal Code has given us a lively term for cheaters - the "420". If however, you search for "419,"  you will find that this number refers to a section of the Criminal Code of Nigeria dealing with various types of advance-fee fraud. Why does this matter to you? Well, you've … Continue reading Shri 419: the Nigerian scam