How to eat at an Indian buffet

There is a proper way to eat at an Indian buffet which those who are not desi may not appreciate. Being desi myself, I feel that I’m qualified to advise others. But my qualifications to pontificate on this topic don’t end with a blanket ethnic designation. In an earlier era, I was a graduate student … Continue reading How to eat at an Indian buffet

How to dress for a business setting

(from someone who has learned the hard way). I've dressed up and dressed down more than I care to remember. In an earlier part of my life, I was in an academic environment. I was pretty much a blue-collar scientist: my collars would literally have been blue from the Coomassie Brilliant Blue stain I used … Continue reading How to dress for a business setting

Facile technology for warding off the evil-eye: inexpensive “nazar suraksha”

Abstract: The "evil-eye" better known as nazar is a severely detrimental energy field that impacts the well-being of individuals in South Asia. Previously, others have demonstrated the effectiveness of the evil-eye deterring pendant known as Nazar Suraksha Kawach which works by interfering the dangerous frequencies of the evil-eye. However, this is inadequate since the protective … Continue reading Facile technology for warding off the evil-eye: inexpensive “nazar suraksha”

How to get rich by selling “homemade” rudraksha seeds

Prayer beads made of rudrakshas* (also spelled as rudrakshs) are very commonly used by Hindus. My grandfather had one which he used like rosary beads to count the number of times he had recited a mantra. TeleSkyShopping Network, a direct-to-home shopping outlet that sells various charms and amulets in North America for hundreds of dollars … Continue reading How to get rich by selling “homemade” rudraksha seeds

How to write your own biography in Wikipedia. From the renowned author of “Deconstructing Quantum Sufi-Yoga”

Last night, the benevolent god mahi-mahi came to me in a vision and instructed me in a mix of Urdu-sounding Hindi, Hindi-sounding Urdu, Klingon, and C++ to form the Khudbakhud Uttarvedantic Wikipedia Society, a charitable organization exempt from US federal income tax under section 501(c)(3). As you know, articles in the online encyclopedia Wikipedia are … Continue reading How to write your own biography in Wikipedia. From the renowned author of “Deconstructing Quantum Sufi-Yoga”

How to get a bank loan in India

Or how to forge your own signature. Our NRI friend Pappu Patligali recently applied for a personal loan from a local bank. He was planning on applying to one of the swank new privately-operated banks, but was advised not to by his elderly patients. "All our lives we have only transacted with the Tropical Bank … Continue reading How to get a bank loan in India

How to kill small animals for no good reason

The dissection. I stared in resignation at the pouch-like underbelly that contained all of the entrails of Rana, the unfortunate amphibian in front of me. It looked so fresh. No matter. Best to get this over with as soon as possible. Singh Sir had a zero-tolerance policy towards miscreants in his class and the orders … Continue reading How to kill small animals for no good reason

How to treat non-lethal bullet injuries: lessons from Bollywood movies

Abstract: There is currently insufficient detail on how to perform emergency surgery for ridiculous bullet wounds that result from confronting Hindi film villains in everyday situations. Therefore, a clinical survey was undertaken with the purpose of identifying acceptable medical procedures compliant with known Bollywood practices. Two case studies presented here demonstrate that despite identical etiology, disparate … Continue reading How to treat non-lethal bullet injuries: lessons from Bollywood movies

How to catch a killer or a spy

How to catch a killer. Murders happen all the time. As reported by the UN, there were at least 37,000 murders in India in 2002 making it at least one of the top two "killer nations" that year (since China did not openly disclose this sort of data). In addition to the reported numbers, there … Continue reading How to catch a killer or a spy

How to write an application letter in Indian English

Pappu Patligali, our perennial hero, recently moved to India after spending years abroad working on various IT projects. Pappu studied in English-medium schools before completing his engineering degree from a state engineering college in Karnataka. In school, Pappu enjoyed reading novels written by Enid Blyton, but was not thrilled with studying English. He didn't know … Continue reading How to write an application letter in Indian English