I am no astologer and the following lines from Hindi movies may seem quite harmless, but they are ominous. If you’re unfortunate enough to say any one of these lines, you’ll suffer the consequences I mention.
- Babuji, kya sheher ke saare log burre hote hain? (Dad, are all the people from the city evil?)
Two hours later: After a decade-long misunderstanding, your love-child sings a sappy song that brings you back together with your lover.
- Daulat se sabh kuch kharida ja sakta hai (You can buy everything with money)
Two hours later: After losing your family in a natural disaster, going blind, and begging for forty years, you are reunited with your family on your death-bed. The same thing happens when you say main bhagwan nahin maanta… (I don’t believe in God…)
- Itni raat gayi kahan ja rahi ho meri rani? (Where are you going so late in the night, my queen?)
Ten minutes later: The hero comes out of the woodwork and ends your diabolical laughing, lip-licking, and chest-scratching by beating the crap out of you.
- Tu chinta mat kar, main teri school ki fees bhar doonga (Don’t worry… I’ll pay your school fees)
Two hours later: Your brother shoots you down like a dog on the street for not turning yourself in to the police.
- Agar mujhe kuch ho gaya to meri biwi ko yeh chitti pouncha dena (If anything happens to me, make sure my wife gets this letter)
Two hours later: Dressed in a white sari, your widow collects a gallantry award on your behalf during Republic Day.
- Saab, hum unionwaale garib zaroor hain, lekin izzat se jeena chahte hain (Sir, the workers of this factory might be poor, but we’d like to live with dignity)
Two hours later: You son, Vijay, finds the factory-owner (who is actually the leader of a global smuggling ring) and avenges your death.
- Chalo hum tum picnic pe chalte hain… (Let’s the two of us go on a picnic)
Two hours later: Your kid ends up hating you for what you did years ago on that stormy night. Often goes together with line 1.
- Mere khilaf is gaon mein koi kuch nahin kar sakta (No one can do anything against me in this village)
Two hours later: The son of the farmer you murdered in broad daylight leads a peasant revolt and burns down the haveli you live in.
- Main bhoot woot nahi manta (I don’t believe in ghosts)
Two hours later: You admit to your possessed wife that you killed your mistress, and then you die a gruesome death in the woods next to your haunted bungalow.
- Mujhe nahin lagta tum zindagi mein kuch kar paoge (I don’t think you’ll ever achieve anything in life)
Two hours later: Your son proves that you are a royal idiot by becoming the most successful businessman, singer, sportsman, or patriot since Independence.
© 2010-2012, Anirban