One of the leading causes of death in India, Pakistan, and Bangladesh is hypothermia. Rough back-of-the-envelope estimates tell us that without treatment one person dies from this horrible acute affliction every three minutes in the winter months (within an acceptable margin of error). In the summer months, the rate only decreases slightly to one person every 3.1416 minutes.
Unfortunately, South Asian governments choose to dedicate resources disproportionately to other ailments such as malaria, tuberculosis, infant diarrhoea, heart disease, cancer, and AIDS. This is unfortunate since experts are of the opinion that “the cold sleep is the sleep of death” (“sardi ki neend maut ki neend hoti hai” vide Ganga, Jamuna, Saraswati). With these conclusions firmly established, the Bollywood Hindi film industry has lead some trailblazing research in finding proper treatments for hypothermia. In this research article, the state-of-the-art in Bollywood hypothermia treatment for male and female patients is discussed. For the first time, exact details of how this treatment is effective are presented to the medical community.
Heat conduction obeys Fourier’s law, which states that the time rate of heat transfer through a Bollywood movie star is directly proportional to the negative gradient in the temperature of the hypothermic hero or heroine and to the area at right angles, to that gradient, through which the heat is flowing. Using the integral form of Fourier’s law, Bollywood has successfully calculated the thermal conductivity of anistropic heat-generating bodies such as movie-stars for which many Hindi movie directors have been shortlisted for the Nobel Prize in Physics.
In Figures 1 and 2, experimental details of the heat-transfer hypothesis as method of treatment of hypothermia in female and male subjects, are presented . The exact mechanism by which this treatment works is outlined in the last panel of Figure 2.
April 01. 2010.
(Hat tip on this post to Sukanya C. and Bulubhai)
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