Will the real Nithyananda please stand up?

My fellow desi ladies and gentlemen:

I stand here humbled by the historic significance of the moment. Last night from the chawls of Chennai to the  burbs of Boston, from the galis of Gandhinagar to the gulleys of Galipoli, from the sarson fields of Sasaram to single-flats of Stratford-upon-Avon, we rose together in unison to praise and deify Swami Nithyananda Paramhamsa!

Those who do not know the Divine One may ask sacrilegiously, “who is this Nithyananda? Of what element is he made?” In fact, before last night, I myself had not heard his name.  But when I heard the call of duty from a Higher Power [1], like thousands of my fellow countrymen, did I not rise to the occasion? Swami Nithyananda, the spiritual and temporal master, he of strong will and firm body, owner of sacred Ashram in Bidadi, conqueror of almost all the vices, [2] did he not deserve deification? [3]

When we heard that Swami Nithyananda and an anonymous devadasi [4] were together, we knew it was to maintain divine mingling of shakti and purusha and to restore the Cosmic Balance of the Universe.  The ethereal moment passed through ethernet and guru and shishya were (and I quote from an  article)  “lying on a bed and doing personal things with each other”. Aah, who can fathom the leela of His Worship?

Passing the baton of messages, [5] across the globe, thousands of us chanted the mahamantra [6]. It was the day and night stugggle of good and evil- the devas and the asuras, the yin and the yang. And by his benevolence and the prayers of his devotees, #nithyananda became a trending topic on Twitter reaching a million souls [7] ! So that the pearls of wisdom do not get lost in the sands of time, these were painstakingly collected [8] for future generations.

But now the following day, as the demons of darkness [9] try to insult Guruji, should we sit and do nothing? Shall the enormity of the moment lapse into distant memory? Nay, I say for we must remember to heart the scriptures that were chanted.

Last night in the midst of the mellifluous strains of tweet-sangeet we realized the Absolute Truth.

I am Nithyananda. You are Nithyananda. We are all Nithyananda. Tat tvam asi.

Thank you.

________________

Footnotes:

[1] namely, Ramesh Srivats

[2] lust is insignificant says Sri Hallmark.

[3] not defecation

[4] Ranjitha

[5] 140 characters or less

[6] “___ by day, ___ by night”. Some mantas here.

[7] reach calculated by the Wall Street Journal

[8] by Blogadda

[9] Times of India

If you have no clue what this spoof is about, please read this piece in the Wall Street Journal.

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13 thoughts on “Will the real Nithyananda please stand up?

  1. i seem to be respecting you more now with this.Somehow what was irking me is there here in your words and rather you’ve done wonderful.i couldn’t have done it so…taliyaan!taliyaan!can you hear it?:)

    • Thanks for reading Shivani. I can hear your claps, can you see me take a bow? :)

      My purpose here as you might have noticed is not to make fun of religion at all.

      I wanted to have some fun pointing out the ambiguous language used in religious speeches. If you are a New Age prophet, the less clear you sound, the more followers you gain.

  2. Excellent post Anirban! Feeling sorry for poor Nityananda. After all, as the Swami would himself agree, we are all small pawns in the hands of the ‘Cosmic’ chess-player! I am sure he was acting under orders ‘from above’ that fateful night. :P

  3. Ha ha…hilarious post dude!

    The gate to the place where I stay used to have a ghastly picture of the ‘fake’ swami hanging on it.They’ve finally taken it down.

    Some good always comes of scandals. ;)

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